How to Find Japanese Dating Partner?
Dating in Japan
Here's the Million Dollar Question. Bad news is that I don't have any quick answer, or a convenient trick in my sleeve.
Now, while it is possible to find Japanese Dating partner outside from Japan, in this way your chances might be pretty nil. Unless, of course you live in Paris. Or Rome. The truth is, most Japanese long term residents in abroad are already married.
I know there are some sites in internet, for example, Japan Zone Friends or Japan Guide's Forum which allow you you create a free ad there and make contact with friends. But as you are reading this you probably know that already.
Having a relationship based on sole distance correspondence sure is romantic and beautiful in it's platonic way. But eventually you want to meet him/ her for real, right?
Therefore I would suggest that best way to find Japanese dating partner is to come and actually visit Japan.
Take that vacation you've been saving for and just buy the ticket. Try first time. Explore, learn the language and culture a bit. Don't be afraid to try a new way or go to a that infamous bar no foreigner has ever went.
Although some Japanese people are shy to talk to foreigners, most of them have curiosity on these mysterious gaikokujin. Many Japanese want to try their English.
Especially if you don't look like a dangerous person.
So let's see some places where you can go in Japan, to actually meet people and find your dating partner once you get here.
Night life
Many websites, notice board ads and advertisements recommend Roppongi or Shibuya as a night life hub for foreigners. The list of restaurants, bars and nightclubs goes on and on. It is true that many Japanese women and some guys too go there to possibly find a foreigner. The downside is that Roppongi is a bit, how to say, shady neighborhood, and there are a lot of foreigners around. You might be missing your chances. Also it is said that Roppongi is a famous place for searching one night stand. If that's what you are looking for, you might as well stop reading here and catch that Hibiya line.
Then, how about going another way? I will teach you how.
Try go to more distant areas from Roppongi or Shibuya. Take Yamanote line and stop by in Takadanobaba for example. Or Kichijoji. Usually Japanese bars open at seven or eight a clock. It's good to arrive early because the bar might get very crowded and trust me, counter is maybe the best place to find good conversation partner. If there is nobody when you arrive, don't panic, just chat with the bartender and have good time.
Many, especially Japanese find the atmosphere of local Japanese bar to be much more comfortable than a famous gaijin traps.
Weekday or weekend doesn't seem to make much difference for the number of customers in these types of bars.
Most customers in Japanese bars are regulars who know each other. So this is good chance to get some networking done. Bring your business cards and exchange them.
If you like the atmosphere, visit again, and again. When you get to know the people more, they will become your friends. I know it sounds easier than it is, but when Japanese people become your friends, they will stay as your friends, and they expect you to remember them. It is whole a lot easier to ask someone out when you've met her before. (For guys.. well I know it isn't going to be easy..)
Also I recommend to try to speak Japanese as much as you can. No matter how good or bad your Japanese is, it is important thing, because Japanese people somehow appreciate your efforts. Better yet, learn how to write your name in katakana or some kanji. Than you can show your skills. Believe me, they will be surprised.
Shot Bars are another way to go, as well as wine bars. It's your call. But while you're made it this far, why not to make the last mile, and go to a real Japanese bar instead the easy way?
Traditional Japanese snack bars, Izakayas are one place, but the problem in them is that mostly people go there in groups and if you go alone, it might be rather difficult to make friends because people are in groups.
There are also many night clubs, but the problem is that it is difficult to find them and they are rather expensive. My advice would be the same as with bars, avoid the common places for foreigners to hang out. There are places like Gas Panic club in Shibuya which is really crowded, crazy place filled with Philipino women and American Army members, and young Japanese. Although entrance is free, you will be required to keep your glass filled with drinks which cost 500 yen per one, and if you don't order more, you will be asked to leave. So if you spend your entire evening there, you might end up using as much money as in decent night club.
I don't intend to endorse the companies here, but I can recommend some bars which offer unique and special atmosphere.
- Bar Holic in Takadanobaba
- Shot Bar Gunkanjima in Nishi-Waseda
- Bar Hop Goblin in Akasaka
For the last, the best way is if your Japanese friends will introduce you to a Japanese nightclub or bar. But then, beware of "friend tax". It means that the place where your friends will take you might not be the cheapest one.
International Friendship Parties
There are some of these. Do a Google search and you'll find plenty in any big cities in Japan. Some of them are based on membership fee and some are free.
The problem of these are sometimes unfriendly and unnatural atmosphere which you have to bear. Myself I felt awkward about them.
Activities
Going out is generally a good idea if you want to find your Japanese dating partner. Sitting alone at home won't do much, and in office people are usually not in the mood for romantic chatting.
So why not to start to do budo, poetry reading or painting? If you cannot find these places, I recommend to go to city ward office and ask. Almost all wards have international community center, at least of some kind of. The city ward office will teach you how to go there. International community centers (even deserted ones) are treasure chests for foreigners. Some of them even have penfriend ads in walls. Go and take a look.
Social dancing has became popular in Japan since the Japanese version of famous movie "Shall We Dance". There are many beginner's classes. I recommend this as one way to get closer to the people. There are various dance studios in every larger city.
Moreover, go out, be active, and enjoy yourself.
Bookshops
Now, if all that is too much trouble or too expensive, there is one more resort. Yes, you know what I'm talking about.
Bookshops.
In quiet intimacy between the shelves you can talk to that beautiful lady / handsome athlete, and you have topic at hand too, books. And Japanese people like spending time in bookshops, for some reason.
The woman might scream, of course, or the man might turn you a cold shoulder. But they say "you'll never win if you don't try". But generally, the quiet atmosphere is not so bad place to strike up a conversation. And if she is a real honey or has a face of a prince from higher heavens, try not to stare too much or get too friendly. Just be natural.
Being natural and honest is important in this game.
Smile
Now then, let's presume you have spotted an ideal target. What can you do? I recommend just smile and be yourself. Have you ever saw smiling gaikokujin in Japan? I haven't, too, unless I passed by a shiny window and saw that stupid grin again.
Smile, and smile. Because most foreigners in Japan don't.
Conclusion?
Now, as I said in the beginning, there is maybe no quick answer. Even worse, I'm not by any chances an expert. So maybe reading through this article really didn't take you anywhere. But just being yourself should be enough, whether finding a partner in Japan or another country. Just believe yourself, and you'll get there.
Now it's your turn to write. What do you think?
See also: Love hotels
